Determining the best methods for disciplining children is not only a hot topic, but also a decision that every parent must make during their parenting career. Many parents start thinking about and discussing discipline long before they have children and many people have very strong opinions one way or the other. The question between what is “right” and “wrong” when it comes to methods of discipline is often raised. While how you choose to discipline your child is ultimately up to you, there are some recommendations for how to appropriately and effectively discipline.

Debates regarding discipline often lead to discussions concerning the use of spanking. Research suggests that spanking may be the least effective discipline method. Spanking may not only keep children from learning acceptable alternative behaviors, but may promote undesirable behavior. The National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) indicates that spanking is not recommended for the following reasons:

• Spanking teaches children that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems.
• Spanking sends confusing messages about parent attitudes towards children.
• Repeated spankings teach children that they are “bad” and affect their self-esteem.
• Spanking can affect a parent’s self-esteem as parents are left feeling guilty over the use of physical punishment.
• Spanking promotes anger in children and the parent.
• Spanking is ineffective in improving behavior.

Further research with regard to spanking indicates that there are a number of negative outcomes associated with the practice, such as: higher rates of antisocial behavior, aggression toward peers and family members, and psychological disturbances.

NASP recommends that disciplinary methods should contain three vital elements: a learning environment characterized by positive, supportive, loving parent-child relationships; a strategy for systematic teaching and strengthening of desired behaviors; and a strategy for decreasing or eliminating undesired behaviors.

Nemours provides the following tips for effectively and appropriately disciplining your children:

Ages 0-2

• When your baby or toddler heads towards an unacceptable or dangerous play object, calmly say “No” and either remove your child from the area or distract him with an appropriate activity.
• Timeouts can be effective for toddlers. Establish a designated time out area and have your child sit for a minute or two to calm down.
• Provide appropriate modeling to teach your children acceptable behaviors.

Ages 3-5

• Explain to children what is expected of them before you punish them for certain behaviors.
• Establish rules and consequences early and maintain consistency.
• Reward positive and acceptable behaviors.
• Behavior charts may be beneficial at this age.
• Timeouts can continue to be effective. Experts recommend 1 minute in time out for every year of age or have the child remain in timeout until they are calmed down.
• Provide appropriate alternative behaviors.

Ages 6-8

• Timeouts continue to be effective for this age.
• Do not make unrealistic threats of punishments in anger.

Ages 9-12

• Natural consequences begin to become effective and appropriate. For example, if a child does not finish their homework it may be more beneficial to have them go to school with it incomplete and suffer the resulting bad grade as opposed to keeping them up later at night to finish it.
• If natural consequences are not helping to modify behaviors, parents may need to set up consequences of their own.

Older Children

As children get older, they are expected to be able to regulate their own behaviors more appropriately. The Florida Association of School Psychologists (FASP) recommends the following tips to help your older child develop self-control.:

• Help your child think long-term. Help your child see what is gained by waiting or working hard for a better reward.
• Lay out expectations. Some children react poorly when they are unsure of what to expect in a situation. Providing advance directives may help them regular their behavior and respond appropriately to expectations.
• Model self-control. Children learn by seeing. If your children see you exercising self-control, they are more likely to do it themselves.
• Take a break. When children appear to be losing control, encourage them to take a break from the situation.
• Reinforce the positive. Let your children know when you witness them demonstrating self-control.

If your child continues to express undesired behaviors or you would like assistance in developing behavior plans appropriate for your children, seek professional help. Please contact us in Orlando or Miami and schedule an appointment today.

Written by Kristen Young, Ed.S., NCSP

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